What an ED is Not

An eating disorder is not...

* a cry for attention

* a fear of maturation/womanhood

* a phase one will eventually outgrow

* a diet

* a vain ploy to become more beautiful

* a tantrum

* a disease just for rich, white, spoiled teenage girls

* a thing that can just be turned on or off

* all about food and weight

* a choice

Sadly, the majority of individuals in the United States believe eating disorders are deliberate choices, that eating disorders will simply go away if the anorexic or bulimic would "just eat."  Those suffering from eating disorders are shamed for being overly vain and preoccupied with appearances.  Oftentimes, I have read commentary in which some ignorant individual compares having an eating disorder to having cancer.  Whereas a person cannot choose cancer and cannot choose to beat it, the eating disordered individual seems to have this "will" to shape the outcome of his/her disease.  This couldn't be any farther from the truth.

If one could easily will away the eating disorder, treatment would be simple, short, and sustainable.  To imply that the eating disordered individual lacks the willpower to overcome a biologically-based mental disorder sets up the sufferer to feel shame and failure, things which only work to fuel the disease even more.  There's no magical switch that shuts anorexia, bulimia, ED-NOS, and BED off.

Eating disordered individuals do need food to medicate a malnourished, starved body, but food alone is not the cure.  We are not narcissistic, self-absorbed people.  We are those who love too hard, try too hard, and feel too strongly.  We are sensitive and empathetic.  The problem we have is that the disease falsely has us believing that starvation is an effective way to cope with all the trauma in our lives.

An eating disorder is...

* a mental and biological illness

* a maladaptive coping strategy

* an inward emotional assault

* a physical manifestation of inner pain and turmoil
* a maladaptive way to interact with the world
* an ineffective and life-threatening way to numb pain and conquer emotional trauma
* self-abuse

Understanding what eating disorders are helps all involved to fight against the eating disorder and NOT against the sufferer.  Just as we would never blame the chemotherapy patient for needing chemo, we should not blame the eating disorder patient for needing medical and psychological intervention.

Cheers!

Eating Disorders and Adolescence

My eating disorder developed in my adolescence.  It began innocently enough, and like every eating disorder cliche, quickly took over my life.  Recently, I spoke at a family night group about my recovery, and in staring out at my audience, I was shocked to see so many young, young faces who are battling this disease.

I tried to imagine what it must be like for those young teens' parents, listening to a woman who is recovered now, but struggled for longer than most of those teens had been alive.  Does my story provide hope or does it instill fear--fear that their child must endure over twenty years of hell to reach where I am today?

And then, I wonder--what took me so long?  Am I just a really slow learner?

Eating disorders are incredibly complex, and looking back (hindsight always 20/20--another cliche), I now appreciate this complexity.  As a vulnerable thirteen-year-old, one with little self-esteem and a lack of self-concept, I craved power in a world that usurped all power from me.  Bullies, media, parental and school rules, social conventions--everything--took from me.  I didn't know who I was or who I could become.  Anorexia gave me an outlet, an identity, a way to shield me from the things that scared me.

The allure of control allowed me to manifest my teenage rebellion--against my parents (like hell you can make me eat), against the bullies (you can't hurt me; only I can hurt myself), against school (you can't tell me what to do), etc...  While other kids were jocks or potheads, or cheerleaders, I was the anorexic.  The disease gave me a way to interact with my teenage world.  I could bond with other anorexic girls, and together, we could rally against those who would try to take our eating disorder away.  Bonding over the eating disorder was no different than the way some kids bond over Justin Bieber or New Direction.

The challenge in this is that the longer I rallied to stay sick, the more entrenched the eating disorder became.  In that process, my mind sealed and deflected the attempts of others to help me recover.  The longer my mind battled, the easier it became to deny my illness.  Even throughout relative periods of health, the eating disorder held on, maybe not active, but there, lying in wait.

Recovery, under these circumstances, is elusive.  Power struggles with teens always result in the adult's defeat.

What I'd like to tell parents of teenagers with eating disorders is that there is hope for recovery, a recovery that can be a few months or years within reach, not decades within reach.  But for a faster recovery, understanding is key.  I recall a time when my doctor instructed my mother not to let my weight fall past a certain number.  Of course, my weight did fall below, but when my doctor called to follow up, my mother lied, claiming my weight was unchanged.  When I questioned her, she told that it was only a few pounds lower, no big deal.

Eating disorders are a big deal.  They cannot be ignored away, yelled away, shamed away, or controlled away.  The only way to make them go away is to portray them honestly as serious medical and psychological illnesses.  The eating disorder latched on for a reason, and only by tackling and overcoming that reason, will the eating disorder lose its power.

Parents, learn about this disease.  Don't hesitate at the first warning signs.  Partner with your child against the disease, so your child and the disease don't partner against you.

Cheers!