To all my readers:
What a trying six months this has been. Holding on to recovery while life hums along is hard enough; holding on to recovery when life storms and rages feels almost impossible. But, it is possible.
I have been blessed with few physical repercussions from my eating disorder. My health, overall, is good, but these last few months have sidelined me with a heart-wrenching long-term consequence of struggling with anorexia for so many years: infertility.
For two long years, alongside recovery, I have battled the emotional and physical rollercoaster of an inability to get pregnant. These last six months have been most stressful of all. Surgeries, injections, hormonal imbalances, ultrasounds, bloodwork, hoping, waiting, praying--it's enough to trigger relapse in anyone.
I've had my moments when the will to keep fighting--for myself, my husband, and my unborn baby--has been shaken. To eat when the emotional turmoil rages, to eat knowing that this pain would all go away with ED's help, to eat when all I want to do is punish my body for failing me is indescribably arduous. I've had my slips, a few stumbles, but here I stand: unbroken.
Fighting and winning a war against an eating disorder has taught me a very, very important important lesson: if I can beat anorexia, I can beat anything. If I can endure the hourly, daily, and weekly barrage of ED insults with only blind faith in recovery, I can brave any stormy weather.
I can bear this next burden. ED is strong, but I am stronger.
Cheers!
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